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Bucks County, PA, United States
In addition to her award-winning young adult fiction, Diana Muñoz Stewart runs her own company providing content for websites and blogs on health, writing, and family. She earned her Bachelor’s degree in English Literature from Rowan University and a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from the Stonecoast, University of Southern Maine. When she’s not writing, she can be found kayaking in her backyard or hiking with her kids and the man who’s made her heart race and palms sweat since their devoted teen years.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Ten Least Favorite Christmas Songs!


                                 
Gingerbread men in our house. Classy. 
Yes, I've posted this before, but it bears repeating. There are just some Christmas songs that ruin the entire holiday for me. I know this makes me seem like a Scrooge, and I actually love Christmas and Christmas music, but there are ten Christmas songs that I would be happy never to hear again.

10. The Little Drummer Boy--I know this is going to bother a lot of you, because this song has a great message, but the tempo makes me want to shoot myself in the head. Pa rum pum pum pum.

9. Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey: Do I really have to explain this choice? Hee-haw, hee-haw.

8. Barking Jingle Bells: I'm already straining not to yell at my neighbors barking like mad dogs, why would I want to have this coming out of my radio? It's not that I'm against dogs, but this song makes me feel the same way I feel when I see art done by elephants--I really don't get it.

7. Last Christmas: I gave you my heart and the very next day you tore it apart? Tearing out hearts? Not very Christmassy. Why not "and then you put it on a spit and ate it?" I mean, really string that metaphor out. Oh, Wham, you had such promise. ; )

6. Santa Baby by Madonna: I can tolerate this song from anyone else, but her version makes me think of someone doing a strip tease with cones on their boobs.

5. Oh Christmas Tree: I don't actually dislike this song, but I only know the words "Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, how blah-blah-blah your branches." After those lyrics I'm just humming. I like a Christmas song I can actually sing with.

4. Christmas Shoes: Do we really need a song that is going out of its way to depress us at Christmas time? I mean, I've already got SAD and an empty wallet, and now you want me to cry over some imaginary kid who needs shoes for his mom to wear in her coffin. Uh, this sounds like a bad chain email.

3. I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas: Ah, yes, the old spoiled kid asking for impossible things song. That's the ol' Christmas spirit.  And, really, you're not getting anything to rhyme with hippopotamus so stop trying.

2. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: Uh, my grandmother is dead. I miss her. This song is not fun for me. Actually, who does find this song fun? Are there families that sit around singing this to each other? Maybe to their grandmothers? Sick, yes, but my kids were so little when they did it.

1. Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono: It's not John. It's his wife. She really can't hit some of those notes. I'd rather listen to the barking dogs


6 comments:

  1. I echo your hatred, especially of The Christmas Shoes. You know how you can make that song even WORSE? By turning it into a book and making book club people read it for their December read...because that's EXACTLY what I had to do! I wanted to shoot myself in the face...with chocolate to help easy my dying soul.

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  2. Hahaha! You're torture is truly hysterical! I'm so glad it wasn't me!!

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  3. Add The Twelve Pains of Christmas, which was funny the first time. The other song that makes me want to set cars on fire is "Having a Wonderful Christmas Time." Would you believe I just learned this year that it's McCartney? No wonder… I dislike most of what he's done.

    I wouldn't mind hearing I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas more, though. Did you know it was sung by a 10 year old? 1953. A promotor in her hometown actually got a baby hippo to give to her on Christmas.

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    1. The Twelve Pains of Christmas is new to me, Linda. It sounds dreadful. And I didn't know that about the hippo song, but the fact that some kid got a hippo out of the song, kind of makes me hate it even more!

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  4. My husband had a roommate who LOVED the 12 Pains of Christmas. LOVED IT. And I grew up listening to a swinging, up-tempo version of The Little Drummer Boy by Lou Rawls--I can't stand any other version, but that one makes me happy. The Christmas Shoes, on the other hand...eesh...

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  5. All right, I have to go check out the 12 Pains of Christmas! Sadly, the up-tempo Drummer Boy still doesn't do it for me--no offense to Lou Rawls!

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