Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Tags

I'm reposting about one of our family traditions for Christmas. It's about presents and wrapping. I know some people have whole rooms dedicated to wrapping. These perfect wrappers use fancy ribbons and bows and it takes an act of God to get into the actual present. I'm not one of those people. I'm like a working elf. It's a job. I like to speed wrap. Or I used to.

As my kids have grown up, they've taken over wrapping and made the whole thing into a quirky, hilarious tradition. It still involves the usual-- rolls and rolls of two sided paper from BJ's (best paper in the world), a sloppy list of who gets what, lots of tape, random bursts of, "Where are my scissors? Oh, here they are," and Doctor Who on in the background. But now it also includes the written word. A Christmas tag isn't just a way to tell who the gift is for anymore. It's an irreverent, sacrilegious, and most of all creative venture.

When it was just me the tags would read:
To: Name
From or Love: Santa.

That's it. How boring. Now, the tags have words of advice, jokes, and even recriminations. For example this Christmas included this tag:
To: Mike
Love: Santa
Nice list? More like naughty list, bitch.

Some tags are personal tortures. My daughter HATES feet. They creep her out. One of her tags read:
To: Meg.
Love: Santa
I touched this with  my feet.

Warning Labels
To: Will
Love: Santa
Caution Thin Shirt; protruding nipples may cause both physical and emotional damage.

To: Mike
Jesus, Mike, I haven't seen you in church lately…what's the deal?
Love: Jesus

To: Will
Love: Santa
Hey, Will. How's your girlfriend Bri doing? I already know. That's a piece of her hair caught in the tape on your present.

To: Luke
Love: Santa
What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa Claus?

To: Will
Love: Santa
There's nothing better than the, "we survived the Mayan apocalypse" Christmas. Enjoy it. While you can. (Yep, nothing says repost better than last year's humor. Does anyone even remember this?)

Extremely personal (To my daughter who loves her dog, beer, and getting pissed at puzzles)
To: Dog Nuzzler
Beer Guzzler
Angry Puzzler
Love: Santa

Present Spoilers
To: Luke
Read a damn book
Love: Santa

We've been creating these tags for a few years now, but this is the first year I decided to collect them. I put them in a bag for next year's reading. Do you have a quirky family tradition, you'd like to share? Please do. And next year, I want to read your tags! Reading them is almost as much fun as the hours in my room wrapping happily with my kids as Doctor Who works magic in the background.

Merry Christmas!

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