|If you can run through this, |
you're tougher than someone from Florida.
"It's sunny and beautiful here!"
"I am in flip flops and shorts, enjoying my Thanksgiving dinner on the deck of my La Jolla home."
"You should come here. It's 80 out and perfect."
"You have S.A.D. That's too bad. I have all the sunshine you need right here!"
These are all slightly annoying. Worse, is when the unsympathetic response to, "I'm freezing my nips off here" is a joyful gloating, "The weather here is perfect."
Really? Okay, bitch, it's on! This is what you look like to me...
Someone needs to tell you weather braggers that touting your good fortune while other people are blowing into their hands waiting for their car heat to kick on is rude. We get it! You're toasty warm and filled with a glee that can't be contained. That's because you're soaking up all my happiness. That's right, the sun sucked that happiness out of my skin during the summer and now--like rain in too full clouds--it's being delivered to you. You're welcome. Now stop bragging. You don't see me posting things like, "No tsunami here! Not a murderous wave in sight!" Or, "Yep, we haven't had a twister here in years. You should come here."
How would you like it if I bragged about all the great things happening in real weather? Like a change of season. And falling leaves. And...well, here’s just a few of the wonders you warm weather folks are missing:
1 . Gloves—Oh, yeah. Gloves are awesome. Supple leather that squeezes off the circulation in your fingers just right. And, if you are like me and have a home office that turns arctic, you get the extra special pleasure of wearing fingerless gloves, so you can type. They cover everything but the tips of your fingers. Fancy. Yeah, now you’re jealous. Take that!
2. Parka Running—You losers who throw on your shorts and head out into the sun for some quick exercise, are missing out. You haven’t had a really good run until you’ve been bundled in a parka, with gloves, a thick hat, and a black mask covering your face. Your limbs are so tightly bound, you feel like your running through ice water. And, you scare the crap out of unsuspecting people who turn to see you running up behind them. Fun stuff.
3. Hot Cocoa—Sure, you can have cocoa in California, but it doesn’t taste the same. Trust me. The only time you really get to taste cocoa is when your red nose is running and you don’t even want to bring the cup to your lips, because your hands are enjoying gripping the warmth from your mug too much. That’s real cocoa right there.
4. Toughness—That’s right, I’m saying it. Cold weather people are tougher than warm weather people. Have you ever been around a Floridian who had the misfortune to step into Pennsylvania during a 30 degree day? Wimpy doesn’t cover it. They act like their blood is freezing in their veins. And, no, I’m not turning my heat up, because it’s cheaper for you to put on another sweater. Can you get another sweater on? Can you even breathe under all that stuff?
5. Snow—I’m pulling out the dreaded white card. Everyone in a warm state hates this card. They know that snow is beautiful. It covers the ground not just with its glistening white, but with that awed silence that only exists on the first morning after a blizzard. There’s not a person around who isn’t—at least for an instant—touched by the beauty of the world on that morning. Of course, the next morning and the one after that you are cursing that white stuff. But it's all worth it for that one moment of still beauty. And, really, Santa lives at the North Pole for a reason. Everyone knows the Snow Miser outdoes the Heat Miser. So suck it warm weather states.