Last night I fired God. It’s not like I don’t appreciate his past work, but his productivity has slowed down over the years. I gave him a good severance package—stock in prayers without having to worry about the budget for making wishes come true.
Now that God is on the outs you might be wondering who is going to take his place. I’m glad you brought this up. You’re an up and coming star. You’ve shown yourself capable of tremendous change. I’ve decided to hire you as God. Yes, this is a big responsibility. Next time you see someone in trouble or hear a disturbing global warming fact or pass a bum on the street, you won’t be able to ignore it. You’ll be on the job. There are no days off and no excuses. You are required to do something even if you have a headache or a twisted ankle. No more walking or limping past the bum.
I know you’re probably thinking people have been in trouble a long time, and global warming didn’t happen overnight, and that bum has been hanging out by the garbage for weeks, so why didn’t the last guy handle it? Well, duh, that’s why he was fired. Anyway, it’s a tough job, but it has great benefits—immortality anyone? Good luck in your new position. I have complete faith in you.