My son was watching Shrek the other morning, and he said to me, "A princess's life sucks. They always have a curse on them." I laughed out loud, and repeated this sage wisdom to a bunch of gals at brunch on Sunday. They all agreed being a princess sucked. The more I thought about it, the more I decided being a princess sucked for a lot of reasons, not just the inevitable curses. So here are the top ten reasons I've come up with you never want to wear a tiara or glass slippers.
10. Unreliable transportation. You never know when your pumpkin coach is going to turn back into a pumpkin and your horses back into mice.
9. You can't belt out a song without fury woodland creatures turning up. And you know who's going to clean up that mess!
8. Exercising can be dangerous. When a princess goes for a rejuvenating walk in the woods she has to always be on the lookout for woodsmen with axes, homes with spindles, and seductively persuasive frogs.
7. Too much alone time. I know some of you might be thinking this goes in the plus column, but I beg to differ. Not only do mice get boring to talk to, but towers are drafty places, and there's usually only one way out--the window. Do you have any idea how long it takes to grow a ponytail suitable for climbing on. Yeah, I thought not.
6. Waiting to be rescued. Is there anything more boring than waiting for someone to rescue you from a fire breathing dragon? Those are long days, baby. It's like waiting for your husband to bring home food from McDonalds when the kids are all whiny and complaining. And you just know he's sitting in the parking lot eating a burger and listening to sports radio.
5. Your clothes are on loan. Sure, the fairy godmother will grant you a cool set of duds, but don't be mistaken these babies are not yours for the keeping. The moment you think you look hot and the prince is coming in for some action, the clock strikes twelve, and you're left standing in your ratty old Fruit of the Loom.
4. Your cougar of a step-mother wants you out of the picture. And she's not messing around. She's got a taste for younger men, so she's not going to be putting up with them coveting your hot ass.
3. Fruit is the enemy. We've all had the craving for a nice juicy apple now and again, but when you're a princess these health conscious tendencies could mean your death. Hint, if you're a princess and really need to try a piece of fruit, take small bites.
2. Men on white stallions tend to have an overblown sense of importance. Trust me on this girls, go for the guy walking with the donkey. Go for Shrek. He might be gross, but he's reliable.
1. There's always a curse on you. If it isn't that you're turned into a swan or an ogre at night, you're probably passed out from pricking your finger on a spindle or sleeping with dwarves.
Please let me know if you can think of anymore reasons!
- Diana Munoz Stewart
- Bucks County, PA, United States
- In addition to her award-winning young adult fiction, Diana Muñoz Stewart runs her own company providing content for websites and blogs on health, writing, and family. She earned her Bachelor’s degree in English Literature from Rowan University and a Master’s degree in Creative Writing from the Stonecoast, University of Southern Maine. When she’s not writing, she can be found kayaking in her backyard or hiking with her kids and the man who’s made her heart race and palms sweat since their devoted teen years.